Red Tears
by You-Need-A-Cookie
Summary: Right after Ed finds out about Hughes' death, Ed thinks its all his fault and he has another break down and heads to the bathroom to relive this guilt. When Roy walks in on him he tries to help ed through this hard time. Warning! cutting and foul langue. Bits and pieces of RoyEd 3
1. Chapter 1

(A/N) ok, this is my first angst... so be nice...  
I do not own FMA nor will i ever...

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My name? Edward Elric.  
My life? happy? sad? I don't even know myself...  
Current emotional state? One word, Broken.

There are many things wrong with me, we all know this. I'm not perfect. In fact, I'm the opposite of perfect.

I can't seem to find happiness, all I can do for others is make their lives a living hell...

1) I convinced Al to commit human transmutation, the greatest of all taboos... Now, he spends his days in a suit of armor.

2) I got a job as the youngest state alchemist in order to get mine and my brother's bodys' back to their original state but I can't seem to follow commands...

3) Winry and pinoko try their hardest to make me the best automail they can. And what do I do? Ruin it, regularly...

4)I took a job offer in Lior and exposed a fake priest. Good right? No... the whole city righted agent each other.

I can't handle it all sometimes... I feel like I can't anything right, that if I want something to get done right, someone has to do it for me. I'm surprised no one found out my secret yet. Especially Winry. I mean, she woks on my other arm and when ever some one needs to fix my automail, I need to strip down to my boxers. They don't see, no one ever dose, and if some one, in some way found out, they wouldn't care. No one would.

I'm also surprised that Al of all people hasn't seen. I mean, first off, I live with him. And second, he sees broken plastic around the bathroom, transmuted off a disposable razor. He asked what all of it was once and I just said that I didn't want the blade ripping the bag open so I use the blades for thickening out his armor or if I need to fix something on my automail. Pretty crappy excuse I guess. But its all I got for him.

I keep a little rag in my pocket holding the blades in case I need to run away from everything and I'm not close to my apartment.

But three days ago, I made the biggest mistake of my life...

I found out Hughes died, trying to help me and my brother of course. I couldn't handle it... I ran to the boy's bathroom and no one was there. Al just stood outside because he had no need to intercept. I ran into one of the stalls and locked it. I quickly rolled up my sleeve. Looking over my arm to find a place where I hadn't cut already, I had cuts from the bottom of my wist to about my elbow. I got out my blade and the rag and made a deep cut in my arm. I was on the verge of tears just thinking about how Mrs Hughes and his daughter wont be able to see him again. All my fault, just like everything else. I made a few more cuts then ran to the sink to clean off my arm.

I heard the door open and looked away, facing the paper towels.

"Hello Fullmetal" I heard colonel Mustang say, walking up to the mirror to fix his hair. When I didn't respond or even look away from the paper towels he looked at me in confusion.

"Fullmetal, Is everything alright?"

I didn't respond. I grabbed my bleeding arm with my automail arm and put my head down.

"Fullmetal, did we run out of towels? I can go get some if you need me to."

Still, I stay quiet

"Fullmetal" He reached out and grabbed my automail shoulder, I quickly shrugged him off and rolled down my sleeve.

"Fullmetal, are you hiding something?"

I just nod.

"What are you hiding?"

I stood still and was trying to send him a message via thought to go the hell away.

"Is it a weapon? Or is it like a dirty picture. I wont tell if its something like that, but if its a weapon, I'll have to take it away. Unlike Me and Hawkeye, your not old enough to carry a weapon around."

I stood still, trying to stay quiet, but- "I guess you could call it a dirty picture..." I mumbled to myself...

"Then I have to ask you to hand it over, I can't let you have things like that here" The colonel said holding out his hand.

I griped my arm tighter. I could tell I was still bleeding from the dark red spots forming on my jacket.

"Fullmetal, give it here or I will take it from you." He said, starting to sound like a teacher, or even a parent...

"It would be hard to take it away from me, you know that..." I said, trying to find a way to get him out of my bubble.

"I know how stubborn you can be-... Fullmetal, is that blood?" the colonel said looking at my jacket sleeve, now with small patches of blood on it about a centimeter or two each.

"Just leave me the hell alone colonel..." I said walking away

When he stopped me and grabbed my arm I froze. Not only because his tight grip was on my fresh cuts, but I knew what he was going to do.

He rolled up my sleeve and his face, it looked like he was being stabbed in the back by his best friend. He stood in front of me and got out a piece of paper and a pen. He wrought something down and handed it to me. It was an address and a phone number with 'Roy' at the bottom written in cursive.

"I will be expecting you by ten. if your not there by eleven, I will come and pick you up. If your brother asks where your going say you have a meeting with me." He said directly and walked out the door.

Looks like I'll be explaining the obvious to someone...

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(A/N) Okay! So what did you think? should I even have the yaoi pairing, or leave it as it is...? ehh.. I don't know... I guess I'll find that out when the time comes... anyway, please R&R :3


	2. Chapter 2

I do not own FMA but I do own Bella... Bella is mine :3

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I sat in my apartment reading a book on water alchemy that I probably read a thousand times before.

Al was out picking up food for me and wax for his armor while I sit here, twenty minutes till ten, worrying about what was going to happen at the colonel's house.

Was he going to ask why?

Is he going to try and get me to stop?

Has he told anyone?

Will he tell anyone?

I found myself not paying any attention to the book I was reading. Not like I really cared anyway. Alchemy was the last thing on my mind right now. I just have to look at the clock till its time for me  
to leave.

I really wish I could bale, but that looks impossible right now. He will just come and pick me up if I don't show up.

I look at the clock and see that its ten minutes till ten. I right a note saying where i'm going and leave it there for Al. Last time I didn't inform him where I was and he freaked the fuck out. So after  
that I started walking to the colonel's house.

I looked at the note the colonel gave me and saw it wasn't to far from where I was staying so I didn't need to take a taxi, then I thought, what if he doesn't care? What if he just wants healthy solderers so that he looks good? What if i'm just another pawn in his massive game of chess?

It started to rain. Slowly coming down. One drop here, another over there, but soon started to pour. I looked at my pocket watch and saw it was fifteen minutes after ten, then I sat on a curb in  
the pouring rain.

Like I said before, no one cares if i'm there or not, so why not just sit here on a lonely curb, alone, like I always have been.

After what seemed like forever, a pair of bright lights came rushing over a near by hill, then started to slow down, and get slower, and slower, till they finally came to a halt. The pair of bright lights belonged to a black four seater car.

"Fullmetal? Is that you? What are you doing out here! You're going to catch a cold!" I looked up to see the colonel with a mixture of confusion and worry in his expressions, and he draped his coat over my shoulders. He practically pushed me into his car and we started to drive to his house.

"Why were you out there, you might have gotten sick you know." The colonel said, looking at the road with slightly damp hair.

"So, no one cares..." I saw the car pull up to a two story house with a set stairs leading to the door.

"Don't you ever say that Fullmetal. Lots of people care about you" He said moving a piece of hair out of my face. "Now, lets get you dried off and discus this whole thing, shall we?" I just nodded.

He got out his door and went around the car to open mine. "Don't think of that romantic or anything, the door opens from the outside only." He said with a slight snicker.

We walked up the stairs and he unlocked the door. When I stepped inside, a rush of warmth spread through my whole body and the smell of alcohol overwhelmed me.

The sound of a loud 'clicking' on hardwood flooring knocked me out of my thoughts and a dog appeared before me. A black dog, as black as the colonel's hair, and about thigh high on me, jumped onto the colonel's chest with a orange rubber toy in its mouth. "Fullmetal, I'd like you to  
meet my dog, Bella."

Bella turned towards me and dropped her toy so she could pin me down and lick the water droplets off my face. I started to laugh a little, I couldn't help but find this a little normal to me, a little like home.

When Bella finally got off me, thanks to the colonel, he motioned Bella and I to follow him upstairs.

We ended up in the living room, not much but it was nice. Two couched, a glass coffee table and a small bookshelf with a radio on top next to a fire place made up the place.

"Fullmetal, would you like something to drink?" the colonel asked

"Um, how about a water?" I ask nervously.

"Okay I'll be back with a glass of milk of you." I just sighed and looked out the window, watching the rain pelt ageist it like bullets. I never really hated milk, it was all just an act, comic relief I should say. When ever someone was unhappy in any way, I would always pull one of my strings to get their mind off whatever it is. My favorite being, the act where I pretend to hate milk. I would get their mind off the one subject that was bugging them and get them focused on something else.

The colonel came back a minute later with a glass of water and put it on the coffee table and for him, a glass of wine. Bella jumped onto the couch, sitting next to him and resting her head on his lap.

He cleared his thought "So, Fullmetal..."

"Why am I even here?" I ask in annoyance

"Because, I don't want this to continue, you don't want this to continue. What happens when Al and Winry find out! How will you explain this to them?" The colonel exclaimed.

"Colonel, don't get me started on this shit. I could smell the alcohol a mile away! Explain that." I said with a smirk growing on my face.

He sighed "How about this, you tell me your story and I tell you mine, equivalent exchange. Dose that sound okay with you?"

I thought for a moment, why would Roy Mustang, be a drunk? All I know about him is that he fought in Ishval. Nothing else, but, now I want to know. "Okay, sounds fair. But, you tell me your story first though."

"Stubborn as always I see, well here it goes." He drank the rest of his wine "When I was about your age, maybe even a little older, I had a friend, more like a best friend. He was smart, stubborn, and a great alchemist, just like you" He laughed a little "Well anyways, one day, we were in the woods and he was trying to teach me some alchemy for the first time. Before we knew it, a black van pulled up near by, and a man came out. He opened the trunk and pulled out a body bag, and a shovel. He started digging and I suggested we try and get away as fast as we could before he caught us. I stepped on a branch and froze. He started walking towards us with a gun and he found us. He forced us into the van. He put a rag over our mouths and we passed out.

When I woke up I was blindfolded and I heard two men arguing over something in a different language and someone put something in my hands. It was heavy and metal, they put one of my fingers in a hole and told me to pull. I stood still, trembling in fear and he told me again, but louder and more threatening this time. I pulled my finger back hesitantly and I heard a loud bang. The man took off my blindfold but I couldn't open my eyes. I felt a warm liquid on my hands and all over my shirt. I opened my eyes slowly and saw my friend, bleeding, gasping for air, and his arm reaching out towards me. Before his life went completely went black, he said that it wasn't my fault and that he loved me. I killed my best friend and now that Hughes is dead, I don't know what to do. He was the first person I allowed to be my friend after that incident and I can't even do the  
simplest of tasks and find out who his killer is."

I felt myself start to tear up. The great flame alchemist, went through something so traumatizing, so evil, and he's still sane? And what was that last part? That his friend said he loved him? He  
loves his killer. Almost poetic.

"Now that I spilled my beans, I expect you to the same after I get myself a scotch." The colonel said after getting up and heading to the kitchen with Bella flowing him.

So he really does care?

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(A/N) So here is chapter two :) What did you guys think? And I'm still fuzzy on weather I should do the paring... Please R&R! :)

Oh! before I forget! Roy's back story, is not mine. I got his back story from some one from 'we day'. W day is this thing where a select group of school students get to go to and there's a whole bunch of speakers and bands playing there. So I saw some one and they told a story of how when they were 6 they had to kill their best friend. So yes something similar to what I just wrote happened to some one... in real life... wow... kinda makes you wanna cry... But I can't remember what his name is for the life of me -_-...


	3. Chapter 3

(A/N) Hello.. I know you wont like the chapter very well... it was kinda just a 'I need to upload' kinda thing...  
I do not Own FMA... Cause my brain didn't think of this master piece before me...

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"Hello?"

I found myself in... in a... some where...

"Is anyone out there?" I yell.

It was dark... Everywhere I look is just so, black. No one to be seen for miles...

"Can anybody hear me?!" I yell desperately, running in a random direction.

"Anyone? Anyone at all?" I try to yell but ends up in a sad, broken, agonizing sob.

"Ed?" A light voice calls out. "Oh my goodness! My baby boy!"

I look up to see a woman. Her face filled with joy. A lovely woman with long auburn, chestnut brown hair.

"Mom?" I say, in a half sob half excited voice.

I stand up and walk closer to her, then, I start to run towards her.

"Mom! Its really you!" I run up to her and hug her as tight as I can. I bury my face in her chest and inhale a little, taking in her sent.

"Mom, oh god I've missed you..."

Soon, my arms seem to get loser around her. Her gentle touch around my shoulders went missing. And her sent, just seemed to vanish.

I looked up to see that. That thing Alphonse and I made. Our mistake. Our shame. My fault. All, my fault.

I step away with a mixture of shock and fear spreading through out my face.

"M-Mom?"

It started to crawl towards me. Red eyes glued to my soul like a lion after it's prey.

I start to hear laughing. All around me, everywhere. They were laughing at me. Trying to run away from this... from this thing!

The laughing slowly starts to get softer... "Ed... ward?...Ed?" It starts to say."Come.. on... Ed...ward?"

It wont stop following me. It continues to crawl towards me and I trip over something. It grabs my ankle and I scream. I scream and I glue my eyes shut.

When I open them, I see Colonel Mustang, grabbing onto my shoulders as if for his very life. His eyes filled with worry and fear.

My breath came out in long heavy pants. "Mom?" I mumble under my breath.

A lone tear falls from my eye. I quickly embrace myself into the colonel's chest. From what started as one tear turned into ten, then twenty, then became an uncontrollable fountain came rushing from my eyes.

"Ed are you okay?"

Ed? He's _never_ called me anything other than Fullmetal before... never...

"C-colonel? Why? _Why_ do _I_ have to be so stupid? _Why_ can't I just be a normal teenager and go to school, hang out with my friends, and have my parents yell at me for staying out to late! Why?! Why?..."

"Ed, just think of all the good you have done-"

"Like what?! Throw my brother's soul in an empty suit armor? Cause hundreds of deaths including Mr. Hughes?!

He sighed and sat down next to me, looking at his shoe. He put one of his hands on mine.

"Wheres your bathroom?..." I ask shyly, getting up causing his hand to fall off mine.

"I'll tell you if you give me all your sharp objects" The Colonel said.

I dug into my pocket and handed my rag with the blades to him. "Here 'ya go Colonel." I say dropping the rag in his lap.

"First things first, you can call me Roy. Second, down the hall, first door on your left."

" Thanks... Roy." I said. I walk in the bathroom and take off my jacket, placing it by the door making sure no light can get through. I clap my hands softly and transmute a small blade on my pointer finger of my automail arm.

I make a quick clean cut and grab some toilet paper to clean the blood off. I flush it down the toilet after i'm done and grab my coat, quickly putting it on after transmuting my finger back to normal.

I walk out of the bathroom and back into the living room. The rain still pouring, harder than before, and my cloths and hair still damp.

I look at the clock and see it's half passed midnight.

"Hey Roy do you think-" I look over to see him passed out on the couch.

I smile and start to search around his house for his room to get a blanket for him.

After a while of searching a grab a black blanket from his bed and pull it over him.

"I'm sure he wont mind if I use his phone..." I mumble to myself.. And again, go hunting for something in his house. When I find his phone, I call Alphonse.

The phone starts to ring..

"Hello?" I soft echoed voice says.

"Hey Al, I just wanted to tell 'ya i'm spending the night at the Colonel's place." I say softly, trying not to wake up Roy.

"Okay, tell the Colonel I sad hi. And don't be a brat I know how you can get with him."

"Okay, fine Al. You wont see any houses on fire tonight. G-night."

"Goodnight brother." He said in a flat tone and hung up, with me flowing.

He can't trust me for a minute, can he?

"Now where am I going to sleep..." I say softly to myself.

I guess I could take Roy's bed, but that would be rude. And there is no blanket... I could sleep on the other couch... but Bella is there. I guess... I could sleep next to Roy. The couch is big enough for the both of us...

I carefully slide under the blanket next to Roy, and place my head on the arm rest as a pillow. Then, I feel Roy's arms wrap around me and I started to blush... a lot... But, his embrace was warm, and safe... Witch made me want to stay there forever. I saw his hands around my waste, and smiled. I put my flesh hand over his and I swear for a moment, I felt like I didn't need to continue with my whole, self-harm, problem. I pushed that thought aside. If I stopped, I would be crying in a dark corner wishing I was never born, and probably writing some poetry, and suck at it. But for now, I guess I could pretend the world around me, is gone, dissiperd...Or I could bite my tongue and shut the fuck up before I can't stand the sight of you.

But before I knew it myself, I fell into a dreamless sleep.

(A/N) Ya, I know... Not my best work... but my girl friend kinda has me distracted... hehe... But yes, I have decided to do the Roy x Ed thing... if you couldn't tell already...Sorry for those who wanted me to do the parental Roy... Its just my brain wont let me... and for my last 2 chapters, i found things that needed to be edited, but my computer wont let me fix them... so that's why if you were wondering... witch you weren't.. So love you and all of your wonderful reviews! so please leave one for me!


	4. Chapter 4

(A/N) sorry, I haven't updated in a bit... like three weeks... I would bombard you with excuses, but I know you just wanna read... So here you go...

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I woke up to a rude awakening from Bella, licking my face to no end till I finally got up. Surprisingly, Roy was still sleeping, his mouth open a little and a light snore here and there. I wondered if I should wake up Roy or not. He gets enough sleep in the office, how can he sleep this much at home? I shake him a little.

"Roy?"

He rolled over "five more minutes" he mumbled. I smiled and shook him again.

"Roy wake up, before I get your dog to lick your face off..." I said half asleep

He mumbled something I couldn't understand

"What?" I said

"Stubborn ass..."

"Well at least I can get up in the mornings..." I quickly shot back.

"Oh shut up... You want some coffee?" Roy said, pulling out some instant coffee and sugar from the cabinet. "I don't got any creamer if that's okay."

"Yeah sure I'll have some." I said trying to fix my messy braid with only my hands and the reflection of myself in the window."I'll just have a few teaspoons of sugar if that's not a problem."

Roy gave me my coffee... awful coffee may I add (who uses instant? kinda gross in my opinion...), slowly sipping it, hoping it will cool down. I look over at the clock on the wall and see its almost noon. God dammit, Al's gonna throw a fit when I get back... I finish off my coffee, burning my tongue in the processes, and stood up.

"Hey Roy, I gotta go before Al gets mad at me. I really don't want to make my brother upset, you know?" I say, trying to make this fast "Well, I guess i'll see you at work." and I left the house.

Little did I know he was asleep in the chair, behind the news paper...

* * *

I walked up the stars to mine and Al's apartment, wondering if Al is even home. I hope I didn't piss him off too much while I was gone. I hate making people mad at me, but it seems I have a talent for it. I open the door to see no one in sight, and no greeting from Al. Looks like he's not home.

I need to take a bath. I feel fucking filthy. I might have just jumped in that dog's mouth let alone get licked pratily to death. I went to my room to undress, I get some spare clothes and a towel. I walk in the bathroom, undressed, filled the tub and jumped in. The warm water wrapped around my body like a blanket. I sunk my head into the steaming water, letting my mind wander to unknown places.

I wonder why the Colonel- I mean Roy, wanted to talk to be about something, when he is practically in the same ditch as me? He drinks, I cut and he scolds me about it.

I hear the door open and close again. "Hey Al! I'm in the bathroom!" I yell, kinda greeting him. I heard nothing. No 'hey brother' no 'okay' no response. Then, I hear something break.

I grabbed a towel and put it around my waist, shuddering at the cold air hitting my skin. I hear the door open and close again. What the hell is going on?

I walk out calling Al's name, looking around the apartment. I see a picture of Al, Winry, Pinoko, my mother, and me on the floor and broken glass from the frame everywhere. "What the..." I mumble to myself.

I walk over to the fridge and try to find the broom. I look over on the counter, and notice something missing. "Where the hell did the phone go?" I stare at the counter for a while, thinking everything out, "Holy shit... Did I just get robbed?" I hit my head in frustration. How the hell can I be so stupid. Leaving the door unlocked.

I checked around the apartment to see if anything else was missing. So far, I couldn't find a jar of my and Al's 'rainy day' money, a watch (thankfully not my pocket watch), and worst of all, one of mom's old necklaces. I got dressed right away and ran to the nearest payphone.

I immediately dialed 911. The phone rang three times before someone picked up. "Hello 911, what is your emergency?" a kind sounding woman asked.

"Uh, yeah, I would like to report a robbery in my apartment."

"Okay sir, may I ask what was taken?"

"A phone, a watch, some money, and a necklace."

"Is that all sir?"

"I don't know, I didn't have time to search around much."

"May I ask for your address?"

"Oh yeah, uh" I pulled out a little booklet I keep in my back pocket, because lord knows how many times I given someone the wrong address. "1514 east parkway drive, apartment 107"

"Okay, we will send officers there in a few moments, have a nice day sir." then the line went dead. Have a nice day? I think my day is as bad as its going to get.

I ran back to my apartment, out of breath by the time I got back. I went searching for more items missing. To my benefit, I found nothing else out of the ordinary. I heard a knock at the door and went to answer it.

"Hello officer." I say kindly, after opening the door.

"I'm here to inspect a robbery, is this the right apartment?"

"Yeah, come in." He walked in with dirty shoes, getting the carpet all muddy with a man behind him, who took off his shoes.

"Is your dad home?" the first officer asked.

"I'm sorry, but I'm the owner of this apartment if thats what your asking, officer," I looked at his nametag "douchebag"

The man had a crease in his brow "Its Dowshe-beg. Its French I'll have you know." He took a deep breath and looked at me. "So, all that was taken was a phone, money, a watch and a necklace?"

"Yeah"

"Where were you at this time?" I saw the other, kinder, officer behind him, taking notes on a legal pad.

"Taking a bath in the other room."

"And you didn't get out to see who was in your home?" He asked rudely

"I thought he was my brother, when I heard the door open and shut again, I got out."

"Great thanks, anything broken?"

"Just a picture frame."

"Okay, do you mind if we have the frame?" The other officer asked, "you can keep the picture though."

"Shut up Jensen, you're in training, you don't need to talk for me."

'Hey! leave him alone!' Is what I wanted to say, then punch him. But, you know how much trouble I would get in by doing my normal routine.

"So kid, what's your name and line of work?" officer fancy douchebag said.

"Edward Eric, and state alchemist." The other officer, Jensen, stood back and his eyes looked like they would melt out of his head.

"You're the Fullmetal Alchemist?! I'm Jackie Jensen! I'm a huge fan! I've been using alchemy since I was ten, but you a legend to me!" He said in a surprisingly feminine voice.

"Jensen! I told you to shut the hell up! Its bad enough there making me partner up with a fagot like you! So can you just shut up already!" That time, I almost did punch him. But instead, I said the simplest words some one can say to a man like this. "Either shut the hell up, or get out of my house and call the station to report you, and get someone else to inspect my apartment." I said with my automail fist clenched, biting my lip after saying it. "Sorry officer Jensen."

"Not a problem, used to people calling me that by now." He said.

"Sounds great, we will do our best to get your items back, goodbye." He walked out the door. Officer Jensen looked back smiled then waved. The door shut behind them and I could hear them behind the door.

"The kids such a dumb cunt. I mean really? Didn't even check..." I couldn't hear them anymore as they walked down the stairs.

You know, Officer Douche Bag fits him better.

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(A/N) sorry it took so long to upload, I've been over run with school and work. That and I started Clannad... I cried my eyes out... No joke, I never thought someone could cry that much until I finished it yesterday...

Until then, bu-bye, please rate and review!


	5. Chapter 5

(A/N) Hey look who's on time! Since its real close to Christmas, Chanukah, what ever you calibrate this time of year, I've had time to write this :) So, here you go

I don't own FMA nor will I ever... :'(

* * *

I arrived early to work today, not that I could really do anything though. I would just be sitting in the Colonel's office till he came in so I could turn in my report, get yelled at for doing a half-assed job on it, rewrite it, then get sent somewhere again so this process could repeat itself.

I passed by Hawkeye, having a short conversation with her about work, when the colonel will show up, and then continued our walk down the corridor.

Now, as I predicted, I'm sitting in the colonel's office, on one of the couches waiting for him to get here. I read over my report a few times, here and there I found a mistake or two.

I soon got bored, nothing to do, nothing to read, no one to talk to. I swear, if Roy dosnt get here soon, I will flip this table.

All of a sudden, the door opened. I turned my head expecting that basterd, but insted, I saw Hawkeye.

"Oh, Edward, you're still here? Well, the Colonel just called in sick today. If you want you can go over and bring the report to his house. I can even drive you if you need me to." Hawkeye said not breaking her professional, straight face she always wore.

"Yeah that would be great, thanks" I say, standing up, grabbing my report in one hand.

"Anything to get out of work Ed." She said walking out of the room, me following. We walked outside to one of the military vehicles and I sat in the passenger seat. The engine came to life with a turn of a key and we drove off.

"So whats up with seeing the colonel all of a sudden?" She asked, moving her eyes from the road to me.

"What do you mean?" I said, utterly confused at what she was getting at "I just want to turn in a report like always."

"Don't play dumb. Why would a 15 year-old boy show up to work early so he can, and will be scolded at by a superior officer?" She said, curving her lips into a slight smile, "So, i'm waiting."

"So what? I don't know why I wanted to come early today but, I woke up and decided to come early today, is that a problem?" I looked over to her, her mind working like gears in a machine to think of what to say next.

"You know, last night, when he was drunk as hell, pucking all over my carpet, he told me. He told me about your little 'problem'. I slapped him for telling me, but now I know." Her rare smile turned back into the wall she normally puts up.

"What does that have to do with anything? And did you have to tell me that first part?"

"You two have bonded in a way most people can't. He even told you why he's a drunk, thats something he hasn't even told the whole story to me yet. Weather you like it or not, you and Roy have a connected destiny. Maybe you will become best friends, he might even be a father figure to you some day, who knows you two could become sworn enemies some day or maybe even," She paused and an evil smark appeared on her face "Maybe you two could become lovers someday." She broke into a hysterical laughter and I was just shocked that those words even came from her mouth.

I sat in my seat, head down and a blush creeping up on my face. She had to start teasing me about something at some point, but about this? Why? Not cool Hawkeye, not cool…

We pulled into Roy's drive way and I started to get out.

"Fullmetal?" Hawkeye stopped me and I turned my head. "I wasnt kidding, about all that. Even the 'future lovers' part" She chuckled a bit "No matter how funny it is to imagin the colonel to have feelings for someone other than himself,I think you two would make the gay couples of the year award." She waved good bye and I looked away "By the way he might be Bi, so you have a chance!"

"Hawkeye, I'm not gay." I said in an irritated voice, wanting nothing more than this conversation to end.

"You don't have to be. Now off to work." She said with a sigh.

What the fuck was going through her head? Ug, it pains me to think about it. I'm just going to give my report to Roy, and go home. I walked up the stairs and before I could knock on the door, Roy opened it for me. His cheek was a shade of purple (guess I don't ever want to be slapped by hawkeye…) and his face look completely drained of any life.

"Riza called ahead of time, do you have your report?" He asked, supporting himself with the frame of the door.

"yeah its right here. Hey Roy, you look like shit, do you want me to come over later?" I say in actual concern for once.

"I'm okay, but this my friend, is what your get from drinking too much, a hangover." I should have known… "Hey Ed? Can I see your arm real quick, the automail one?"

"Uh, sure?" I held out my arm and he grabbed it, placing it on his face.

"Oh my god you have no clue how good the cold feels right now" He dropped my arm, coming out of his weird dase. "Sorry Ed. You want to come in?"

"Sure. Why not." I followed Roy into his house and instantly, his dog pounced me. Man, dogs really have a thing for me don't they?

"Down Bella, I'm too tired to deal with your weird shit right now." She instantly got off me and sat down. "Looks like she remembers you." he chuckled, then grabbed his head.

We walked into the living room, Roy stumbling here and there along the long path of stairs. A bottle of motrin and a empty mug of what I assume was coffe were sitting on the coffee table.

"Hey Roy, if i'm intruding, I can come back later." I said, looking at how bad Roy looked. Pale face, tired eyes, and his entire being just looking just plain out low and cold. To be honest, it was kind of hard to look at him in this state.

"Oh, no. We can look over your report now. Its just that i'm a little-" He collapsed onto the floor.

I quickly walked to where he fell. "Roy?" I slapped his face back and forth lightly, "Roy can you hear me?"

"Just a little tired…" He mumbled. At least he's still alive. I walked him to his room with his arm around my shoulder, practically dragging him across the hall to his room. I attempt to lay him on the bed carefully, but his head hit the wall and his feet hung off the edge of the bed.

I look over at his nightstand next to his bed next to his bed. A wallet, a lamp, and a black and white picture of him and another boy, probably taken when he was around my age I were side by side, Roy and the boy holding eachothers hand and soked to the bone. And for once, even if only in a picture, Roy looked incredibly happy. Both of them, bright smiles on each of their faces that could light up the entire room. All in all, they both looked like they were having a great time. I wonder who the other boy is? a brother? A friend? Or was it…

"Simon…" Roy said in a groggy voice, attempting to sit up. "the kid in the picture, if you wanted to know."

"Is he, that kid you told me about the other day?" I ask, trying not to intrude. "Yup…" He cleared his throat, "Simon Cloyed."

"Maybe I should leave, you look terrible, no offence.I said walking away.

"None taken, but yeah I don't think I can read your report now. I might just puke on it if I try. Come back tomorrow if you can, I'll be here, goodbye Ed.

"See ya Roy." I say, shutting the door behind me. I look at some of the pictures hanging on the walls as I leave. A picture of Hughes and him here, picture of the Colonel's team over there, but then I saw a picture of me and Al when we were kids. My arms folded on top of Al's head and both of us smiling. It was cute, but kinda weird at the same time. Why does Roy have a picture of me in his house? Winry probably gave it to him.

Oh well, better head home, its almost time for lunch.

(A/N) there you go :) something thats on time for once… I think that deserves a review...


	6. Chapter 6

(A/N) hey, I'm guessing your reaction to this chapter will be something like 'Jackie, what the fuck do you try and write?' but, you know... yeah...

* * *

"Acroya? That tourist hot spot? You want to go there?" I'm confused.

Its been a week since Roy's 'drunken idiocy' incident, and for some reason he wants to take me to Acroya for the weekend. Without Alphonse.

"Yeah, I grew up there and I go there every year to visit some people. This year, I just might want to bring someone with me." He said with a smug grin, pulling out two tickets for a train leaving tomorrow. "So, you want to come?"

A free trip to Acroya sounds fun. I could finally go and take a boat ride around the river and eat some weird food. Its supposed to be real nice. But, would it be weird if I was going with Mustang? I mean, its a place where couples go to have an expensive date or anniversary or something like that. But do I really care about that? Not in the slightest.

"Okay, so long as I don't need to sleep on a park bench." I grinned and Roy chuckled. It made me kinda happy when he laughed.

* * *

But that situation was shortly lived. Now, Roy and I are getting off the train, sore everywhere from the long ride here.

"Where to now?" I ask, stretching out my arms a little. It was a little after nine in the afternoon or so last time I checked.

"To a hotel, where I can sleep, and you can you find yourself a bench to sleep on." He said yawning. I just looked at him with an annoyed expression on my face.

"Its only funny when I say it. And besides, the stupid half ass joke died out before someone came up with it."I stretched out my back a little and I heard a 'pop' and stopped out of surprise of the loud noise.

"Sorry, my brain doesn't work in tired mode." he said, starting to walk out of the station with me following.

"That explains how you do your job so well." I say sarcastically with a tired smirk to top it off.

"Shut up, do you know how much sleep I can get with that demon coming out of my dog's mouth and attacking my face whenever I try and rest?" He said grinning after he finished.

We walked for about half of a kilometer (about 1641 feet) and then we reached a small looking inn. It was next to a restaurant with cute little white wire tables outside and a cemetery across the street.

We walked in and and it looked much nicer from the inside. Plants and black couches with navy blue throw pillows and with white and gray swirl patterns on them. My face away from the counter and admiring at the breakfast hall.

"Ayee~ Roy!" I hear from behind the counter but don't turn around. He had a weak, and obviously fake, Italian accent and it kinda made me want to punch him the face. With my automail arm.

"Oh but who is this pretty young lady over here in the back?" I turned around and gave him my best 'Are you ready to die?' look.

"Sam, this is my friend and subordinate, Edward Elric." Roy said in a flat tone as if he was already done with the man's bullshit. I know I was.

"Sorry man, the long hair tricked me. Didn't see your face ya know?" He said and leaned in over to Roy a little. "And he's a little short too" He whispered. I cracked my knuckles as I looked over to him but kept as calm as I possibly could in that situation.

"Yes, I know. Now can I get a room?" Roy asked, pulling out his wallet "You know with two beds."

"Sorry man, we replaced all the rooms with king sized beds. Now we only have king ya know cause couples don't like to sleep in two different beds. Ya know?" The man said, and god dammit if he says 'ya know' one more time I swear...

Roy grunted and put some money on the counter. "Its okay Ed, if you like I can sleep on the floor." He said

"Oh no its fine." I say in return. I don't want to put him in a situation where he brings me some place nice and I make him sleep on the ground. "We can sleep in the same bed." I blush "If that's alright with you."

We were given a key and we walked to the room. When Roy opened the door I saw the biggest bed I have ever seen and two couches matching the ones I saw in the lobby and a bathroom next to the door. I set my bag down on the couch and sat down.

"Ed i'm going to get changed, you should probably do the same, I can't imagine how uncomfortable those pants might be on you." Roy said sarcastically, pretending he doesn't give a shit. I don't know why but this made me blush, it was a silly joke that wasn't even remotely funny. Not even sure if it was a joke now...

He walked in the bathroom and kept the door open slightly. I could see him in the mirror a little. I saw him take off his shirt and something in me just sparked. I saw his ripped abdomen and a large scar on his side and blushed so badly I swear I could be classified as a tomato.

I quickly got changed into some shorts and a baggy black shirt that kinda hung off my shoulder a little. As for Roy, he just had sweatpants witch made me blush. I got into the the far side of the bed, closest to the window and Roy on the other side.

No more than ten minutes later did I start to hear a cute and quite snore coming from him. I heard him start to role around and looked over to see if he was falling off the bed. I turn around and see him not two inches from my face. I practicality jumped from the bed but quickly calmed myself.

I looked over him a few times and realized why women fell for him so easily. I mean, physical state a side, just his face alone entreats me, makes me want to look at him, touch him, kiss- wait. No way in hell will I ever finish that sentence. EVER. No way will I kiss a guy, let alone a smug bastard like him. I close my eyes and hope that when I wake up, my brain will stop being such a dick to me.

I turned back over with a blush on my cheeks and scooted closer to the edge of the bed. As luck would have it, Roy pulled me back and put my flesh leg in between his and his head nested in the crook of my neck.

I hate to admit it but, I like- no, I love what hes doing right now. Snuggling close to me and the feel of his hot breath on my neck. Its just makes me think that someone other than me is aware of my existence for once.

* * *

When I woke up, Roy was gone. If it wasn't for his bag, it would look like he was never here in the first place. I got dressed and headed down to the lobby of the , the guy from last night wasn't there anymore, but instead a woman around Roy's age with short brown hair and bright blue eyes.

"Um, excuse me, did a man, his early thirties with black hair walk by here at all?" I ask the woman.

"Oh! you mean Roy?"

"Yeah but-"

"Oh you must be his friend Sam was talking about! Oh he was right you are cute as a button!" I'm what? "I love your hair! its so long, I wish my hair would do that! And your eyes! there so-"

"Sorry, but could you tell me where Roy went?" She looked at me like she had no clue who I was talking about.

"Oh, he want to the cemetery to visit mine and Sam's little brother." Her blue eyes filled with talkative joy turned into deep sad pools of blue. "Its right across the street if you want to catch him."

"Um, thanks." I say, and walk out the door and head to the cemetery.

I look around for a moment and see hardly anyone. And behind a small hill, next to a tree, I saw Roy. He was talking to a grave and leaning on the tree. I walk closer but not close enough for him to hear me. I hear him start to talk to it and small sob here and there.

"Yeah I know its wrong Simon, but its hard for me to stop. The weird thing is I know someone going through something kinda like me. His name is Ed. I mean, he has it worse then me, he did things that cost him so much, and his brother is practically living proof of his failure. Hes kind of like you. Stubborn but smart. Annoying but wise. The only difference is that he experimented in human transmutation, tried to bring his mother back, and failed. He lost a leg and his brother lost his whole body! The damn kid sacrificed his arm to bond his brothers soul to armor. I don't think I will ever meet someone as loyal as you and Ed ever again. But let me tell you, that kid is determined when it comes to some things. I never expected to meet someone like you ever again. Hes almost like your double. You two are are truly one of a kind. But I love making him smile, because it makes me feel closer to you in a way. Who am I kidding, its been fifteen years and i'm still not over you. I can still remember every time we wondered off somewhere and got lost, every time you and I got our self's hurt doing stupid shit, everything you showed me, every time we kissed and how it felt..."

At that moment, I realized Roy and Simon were more than friends, they were an item.

"Just don't hate me if I fall in love with someone else..."

He stood up and and turned around, he and I made direct eye contact and I was expecting to be yelled at for eavesdropping, but instead, he walked to me and hugged me. He started to cry a little, then more than a little.

We walked back to the hotel and to our room and Roy went back to sleep. I went back to the cemetery. I walked up to Simon's grave and read the engraving on the headstone:

"Forever gone,

Forever in my heart,

Forever remembered,

And forever missed."

I cleared my throat and started to talk to someone whom I've never truly meet.

"So, hey there Simon. I'm Ed. One of Roy's friends" It kind of sounded like my words were being repeated in the back my head by an unknown voice... "I know what Roy has been going through and what your guy's relationship was with each other. But, no matter how fucked up he gets, I just want you to know, you can count on me to be there for him. Because, he was there for me once too. So, I hope that is a little bit of trouble lifted off your shoulders, I don't know. I really don't know what else to say... I really don't have anything to say of that much importance... But I kind of know where Roy is coming from. My mother died when I was young. It was pretty bad on my brother and I.n It must have been for him too when you died. And I know dead down he still blames himself for what happened with you. But he lives a pretty good life now. He has friends, a well paying job, and a cute little dog named Bella. Well, I guess I should go before Roy wakes up. Goodbye, Simon." I walked away after that. It kind of made me feel like I was reassuring myself Roy was okay. And that I was too.

* * *

(A/N) So there you go... When I was struggling to put something on Simon's headstone, I asked one of my friends... They said put 'YOU TOOK MY COOKIE YOU BITCH!'... I hate myself for laughing at that... And wow, this chapter is over 2,000 words... I feel like I actually did some shit this time... Well, please review! :)


	7. Chapter 7

(A/N) Sorry its been so long. I was caught up in all my classes. and I could finally get myself some braces! :D yeah... but the bad part is, they also gave me this thing called a tongue guard and it makes me talk funny... And now at least once a day, some one will tell me to say 'she sold sea shells down by the sea shore'. And the worst part is that its never the same person telling me to say it... well, you don't want to hear about my problems... its been a month, you probably want to read.

* * *

The weekend was shortly lived. What seemed like mere hours was realities cruel way of pulling me from one of the few times I could relax and have a nice time with Roy. Now, i'm on the train ride home with Roy sitting across from was half asleep, resting his head on his arms. I was looking out the window and occasionally at Roy.

The whole trip had me baffled. Roy can be kind of that I didn't enjoy my time with him this weekend but, for little less than a day, he was mourning over Simon. I don't need to tell you why that's a little awkward.

I wonder why he even brought me with him? Could it be so I could meet Simon? Hawkeye said she didn't even know the whole story, who says she even knows who Simon is?

The thoughts rushing through my head left me in a daze. Just thinking about all of it gives me a headache. I guess, if you ignore the bad things, this trip was pretty cool. I learned a lot about Roy, and he's kinda cool too. And maybe a little dedicated. I mean, he still loves the same guy who has been dead for about as long as I've been alive.

An announcement from the train's conductor saying we will be at our stop in about five minutes or so snapped me from my thoughts and Roy from his half conscious state.

Roy fixed his posture and wiped his face with his sleeve. Going from half asleep too serious and alert.

"Ed, i'm sorry" He looked directly at me and folded his hands together. I looked at him in confusion. "I'm sorry if I behaved inappropriately on our trip.

I let out a long sigh and grinned.

"It's okay. Its not like it was an inconvenience or anything. All in all, I had a great time spending my time with you." I smiled and when I realized what I said, I blushed ever so slightly and hid behind my hair.

Roy chuckled and ran a hand through his fine, black hair and resting back a little. I like him better this way. Relaxed and not so tense. When he lets go.

The train stopped and we got off. He offered to walk me to my apartment. We talked all the way there. Laughing at each others comments and stories about missions we have been on. Talking about branches of alchemy. The more we talked the more I wished this could last forever. Everything he said and every time he smiled at me made me feel all fluttery on the inside of my chest. It felt nice but I hated it. I don't want to feel like this. Not with Roy. Hes just too good for the liking's of me.

We reached my apartment and I felt disappointed. We said our goodbyes and he started to walk away. Something made me feel like my heart was being squeezed to no end.

"Roy..! wait…" I said, reaching my arm out to him. He turned around and looked at me like I was crazy.

"Yeah Ed?"

"Roy… um… I…" My stomach turned and I instantly regretted calling out to him.

"Ed, you alright?" he questioned

I swallowed. my mind may be against it, but my heart might have well just beet it up with a bat. I Run towards him. I get as close as I can and quickly got on my tip toes, placed my hands on his chest, and kissed him.

He stood there motionless. Wide eyes like a deer caught in the headlights of a car. I pulled back and looked at him. My face was completely red from embarrassment. I ran inside and hit my head.

_How could I be so stupid?_

"Welcome back brother." I hear my brother say. He was in the living room reading a book. I waved at him and ran to my room and pulled out my blades.

_Hes the womanizer of central, he loves Simon still, and I'm a kid. There are too many reasons for him not to be interested in me. What made me think I could mean something other to him other than his subordinate._

I make a cut about halfway in between my wrist and elbow.

I hear a knock at the front door. Probably Roy, going to tell me how inappropriate that was and that he wants nothing more than a professional relationship with me.

I heard the door open and some light chatting. I cut my arm over and over. What a shame, they were finally starting to heal too. I hear my bedroom door open and Alphonse steps in.

"Hey brother, there's an officer Jens- Brother what are you doing?!"

I rolled down my sleeve just to let him roll it back up once more. I couldn't look at him. I bet if he could, he might be crying. His face would be filled with confusion, anger, sadness, regret, shock,and you can see where I'm going with this. he placed his thumb on my cuts and ran it over them. Spreading blood all over my arm.

the officer came in the room and noticed us. "I can see this is a bad time Edward, I have your belongings, I'll just leave them in the other room."He walked away shyly. Al didn't even look up.

"Brother…" He didn't look up "Why?"

Did you not just see the police officer walk in just now?

"Its pretty fucking obvious…" I mumbled.

"lets go clean this up…" He said, dragging me to the bathroom. He got a damp cloth and wipped the drying blood off my arm.

I heard a knock at the door.

_Wow I'm pretty fucking popular when I'm busy._

"Ed, open the door..! Please?" I heard Roy say from outside. Alphonse didn't look anywhere but my arm and kept sliding the damp, warm cloth on my arm. "Alphonse? I should probably go get the door." I lifted his hand off my arm and rolled down my sleeve.

I heard another raped knocking at the door before leaving Al. I walk to the door and swallow my pride. I hide behind my hair and open the door.

Before he could say anything, I blurted out: "I'm sorry Roy. That was inappropriate of me."

I felt his hand rest on my left shoulder and he sighed. "Fullme-... Ed." He paused and tilted my chin up with his other hand. "You are the most stubborn person I have ever meet. You fuck up. A lot. And you can get really annoying." He said all this with a straight face. My eyes were beginning to tear up but I couldn't look away.

"But," He began, "You're also strong both physically and mentally, smart, funny, brilliant, beautiful, determined, amazing, a great brother to Alphonse, a great friend to everyone you meet, and much more. Thats why I want to be with you." He hugged me and played with the back of my braid.

A tear feel from my eye. I dont know if it was because upset from what he said before or because i'm over joyed.

He pulled back and kissed me. His lips tasted like cheap instant coffee and peaches… with a hint of dog.

Al walked back in and gasped. I look back at him and see his head resting on the palm of his hand. "Today is full of surprises from you, isn't that right brother?" He said shaking his head.

"Hey Al, I'm sorry." I said and he looked up. "You know, for being so stupid."

"Brother…" He walked up to me and slapped my face.

"What the hell was that for?!" I yell

"First off, don't act like you're alright when you're not. It scares me and and then this happens" he said looking at my clothed arm.

"And second, don't apologize for something for something anyone would do in your situation."

"What do you mean?" Roy asked.

"What I mean is, I thought over this brother. Everyone is bound to mess up at one point or another. Some more than others. When someone can't handle something, they do something to get their mind off it. Not only would I lose my mind if I had a constant reminder of my failures, " he pointed at himself. "But I would probably lose my will to live. Brother, you're stronger than most people. Probably stronger than the colonel. I couldn't do anything if it wasn't for you. So, if you want to talk, i'm here. Just don't do anything so harsh to where we can't help you anymore."

I just stare at the two of them. Roy who understands me no one else does and I understand him, and Al who has stood by me side since the day he was born. These are just two of the many people who care for me. I pull them close and hug them both. I start to cry in their shoulders.

"I probably look like a real stupid kid right now. Don't I?" I ask, sobbing a little in between words.

"Since when don't you?" Roy said sarcastically.

"Shut up bastard" I joked and playfully punched him. "I'm a fool without you guys. I'm just glad to have you both."

(A/N) Oh look, its done... well that sucks... I was having fun writing this... Well I love you all for reading this and I hope you will like my future fics! don't forget to leave a review! 3


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